I do not feel qualified to write this article, my story does not show the church as holy, beautiful, special and treasured by God. Yet that is what it should be. I feel like my thoughts on this topic won’t be helpful. My thoughts are scattered and cover too much, but it comes from my heart, and my heart that breaks when I see the church today. My heart’s desire is to see the body of Jesus Christ, the Church, unified, however I feel like my thoughts will only add to the division.

My story with Jesus Crhist began before I was born with prayerful parents and grandparents, but my story with church is messy. I grew up going to church with my parents and various bible study groups. I saw unity in my parents and the bible and so when I went to camps and events at other churches I had no idea why there were so many denominations, I believed the bible united us all.

I moved away for university and went to a charismatic church in the morning and a reformed church in the evening, and loved both of them. After university I came back home and felt I didn’t fit in my parents’ church. So I stopped going, choosing instead to indulge my idol’s of football and television.

That changed when I started going to a small house church with Jewish roots meeting on Saturday. Shortly after I started dating a girl and went to her church on Sunday. She was a church leader and treasurer, but things ended badly after she sexually assaulted me. I stopped going to church, I even stopped leaving the house. After much prayer and wrestling I reported what happened to the church. They brushed it off and approved, saying what she did was normal and expected, the bible was used to justify it.

I hated the church. I despised the church and never wanted to be in a church again.

But thankfully God used this experience to open my eyes to the importance of unity, the importance of the bible, the importance of truth. I studied the Scriptures, read books, listened to messages and thankfully my parents took me back to their church. 

I still struggle a lot. But my love for Christ’s Church is growing and my trust of others is returning. 

This article shows some of what I’ve learnt over the years. Please know that this is a plea to the Church. I speak to those who place their faith and trust in Jesus Christ as saviour and Lord. 

O precious Father, I feel the need to dedicate this article to you in prayer. I ask that everyone reading these words would receive them with humility, repentance and grace. May we have open eyes, ears, minds and hearts. Please help us, Your Church, to be unified, bearing Your name with truth, holiness and obedience. In the name of the Father, Son and Spirit. Amen.

Church is not about me, it’s all about God, the creator of heaven and earth. I spent a few years not going to church and that was wrong. I had assumed following Christ was about me, it’s not. I worry now when I hear that a friend has isolated themselves outside the church community. I once thought that it was okay if I still had a couple of people around me consistently (parents and siblings), but now I see that’s far from ideal, and not what God has called me to.

Since I have gone back to church I have learnt so much, humility being the most important. In church I learn humility as I interact with people who are different from me, who I may not like, those who I struggle to talk to. Yet I am called to accept them and love them as Jesus Christ loved me. I have the privilege of learning to love them all like Jesus Chirst. I learn from others as I see them, and I learn from my mistakes and failures.

I also learn humility by letting others love me. I know I am not easy to love, so often I am stubborn, arrogant and self-reliant. My pride is so sinful and resists a helping hand. Yet in learning to let others help I become more reliant on God, who is my ultimate helper. 

Learning to love and be loved softens my heart and makes me more servant hearted, more like Jesus Christ, more trusting of others and more teachable.

I also learn humility by coming under authority, the preaching and teaching of others who have been placed in a position by God. Authority is a good thing, submitting to leadership is a good thing. Often I consider a leader stupid, foolish or weak. But they have been placed in their position by God and I must humbly submit to their authority.

Leading is also an act of humility. I joined a bible study group and had a chance to lead them. The posture of my heart was to give, to love my fellow group members, and help them grow in knowledge.

I see that humility is key, but not just for the unity of the church, also for the Christian life. I have built friendships with people outside the faith who are more humble than people who are church leaders. I know unbelievers that are kind, gentle, trustworthy, and loving. More than me, and that puts me, someone filled with the Spirit of God, to shame.

Humility also forms as I humbly submit to the Word of God. It breaks my heart when I see so many people in the church who don’t read the Word of God daily. I weep when people dismiss and diminish the Word of God. I am under the authority of all of it, every word from Genesis to Revelation matters. If I dismiss or diminish any part of it, I say to God that I am wiser than Him, I think You’re wrong, I don’t have to submit to You. When I dismiss one part of God’s Word, I dismiss it all.

God has graciously given me His Word, I want to rejoice and tremble at it, knowing that every word helps me understand God better. It all matters, and that will never change, because God never changes. If there’s part of God’s Word that I don’t understand, as I know there will be, it is an opportunity for me to learn, to grow, to understand on a deeper level. If I keep reading, keep learning, and keep seeking to understand, the answer will come. I am a friend to anyone who humbly submits to God’s Word. 

Humbly submitting to church discipline is also important. I need accountability to continually encourage and support me. When I drift off into error or immorality, I need a community that loves me by pulling me back to the narrow path. Discipline is good and beautiful, calling me to repentance continually. It is so hard to examine myself, to see my sin and see my blindspots. 

With serious sin leaders must act to preserve the purity, unity and witness of the church. I have felt the effect of church discipline done very badly, and that is a painful experience which could’ve easily pushed me away from Jesus Christ. But the goal of church discipline is repentance, reconciliation and restoration. It is redemptive, drawing me closer to Jesus Christ.

Humility leads to repentance, I grieve over the pride I see in unconfessed sin, knowing it leads to so much division. And just as we humbly apologise, humbly forgive. Repentance and forgiveness must be present everyday in my life. I prevent this cycle from happening everytime I refuse to listen, everytime I refuse to understand, everytime I refuse to speak. In humility I must be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.

I don’t like injustice, and neither does God, he hates it when the guilty are acquitted and the innocent are punished. The more I feel God’s heart, the more I desire justice and peace for all. Every sin I commit hurts the heart of God, sin is an act of injustice against God. I am on my face in confession each day repenting and longing for righteousness and holiness in my life.

I haven’t loved God as I should. I haven’t loved God’s People as I should. I haven’t loved God’s Word as I should. I haven’t loved discipline as I should. I haven’t desired the heart of God like I should. I haven’t had His desires in my heart like I should. I haven’t desired unity like I should. I haven’t desired humility like I should. I haven’t desired holiness like I should.

In my failure I see that God’s greatest desire is His Glory, nothing else matters. God has put me in tough situations, He has let me go far from Him, He has tested me, He has put me in impossible situations… BUT… It’s all for His Glory. I must love His Glory more than my own life. And I know that His glory is a good thing. Being part of something that shows God’s glory is something that I want to be part of.

The opposite of humility is pride. Pride is demonic. Selfishness is demonic. A divided heart leads to division. The devil is in division. Division is sinful, it is rebellion against God. Fight the devil with humility and service.

Christians are marked by holiness, not pride. The Holy Spirit produces holiness, which is characterised by obedience to God, love for Jesus Christ and submission to Scripture. The Holy Spirit loves unity and peace among believers. Love for Jesus Christ means love for his body, the Church. Jesus Christ gave everything for us so that we will give everything for Him.

I have heard the greatest commandment, love the Lord your God, with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and love your neighbour as yourself. But do we obey?

Love is not defined by you or me, it is defined by God. The way that God loves you, the way that God loves me, that is the kind of love we must have for others. That is unity.

And so I plead, repent of your division, please seek reconciliation. Division hurts God so much. I can’t say I am God’s adopted child if I dislike someone who is created in God’s image. I say this because I’ve been there, it hurts to be out of relationship with other believers. Much of it is my own fault, but some of it is out of my hands. I am lying to myself if I say, “I don’t need them anyway.” I want to spend eternity together.

Jesus Christ died to reconcile us to himself and one another. As Christians we are people of reconciliation, of peace. Our mission is to restore the world, to create heaven on earth. We should always aim for restoration. If there’s someone you don’t want a restored relationship with, that is a very dangerous place to be. Ask God to give you His heart for the person. 

I have been involved in ministry since I was a child, and on a regular basis since I was a teen. And I have been involved in full-time ministry. I wasn’t preaching at a church, but I did consider that a possible progression. With all that has happened I am not qualified. I am still hurt by all that has happened to me and know I fall far short of what I should be. But my experience has also shown me that Jesus Christ needs people who stand on his word and tremble at it, because I know many in today’s church leadership do not. I do not want others to be hurt by ungodly leadership. I don’t think I’m the person to change this, but I pray it happens.

I am saddened by the state of the Church that Jesus Christ died to establish. It grieves my heart all the division, and I know it grieves God’s heart too. I know many things I’ve said are hard to accept. My prayer is that I can show one person the importance of the Church.

Please join me in praying for unity, praying for humility, obedience and repentance.

Father, we are a people crying out for a Saviour. When I think of all that Jesus Christ has done for me, all that You do for me every second, the ways in which the Spirit works in my life, I simply fall on my face and cry, worthy are You! Holy are you! All glory is yours!