As a man living in today’s world, I see plenty of women. Over the years I have told myself that every woman I see is beautiful, she is made in the image of God and very precious to Him. She is unique and has so many God-given gifts and talents. I try to have the eyes of Christ as I look at a woman, seeing her with all purity, respect and sincerity.

With this view of women, I came to treasure my future wife. I would save my first kiss for her, and her alone. My body was reserved for her, and her alone. Year after year as I waited these things became more and more precious. They have been things that were so precious, so valuable to me. 

But all of them were violated by a church leader. They were taken from me, disregarded, abused, and tossed away. My soul was crushed, my view of women was tainted, my life was shattered.

I will always bear that scar.

Being violated is something that changes you. For me it highlighted my vulnerability, I feel less than everyone I meet. I avoid people whenever I can and hide away as much as possible. My sensitivity to things around me is heightened and it is very difficult to feel secure and peaceful, especially in my own bed.

It has taken me time to recover and look forward again. My body is still precious, everything I used to value about my future wife are still things I value. But now that they’ve been violated I value them differently, even more precious, but no longer as most precious.

A sensitive scar

My sensitivity is heightened to things all around me that may threaten what is precious to me. Yet in looking forward with new values, I am grateful that my heightened sensitivity is not just for what is precious to me, but what is precious to God. 

I started to notice that abuse, violation and oppression of other image-bearers affected me deeply. There are stories in the bible that bring my heart to tears. Stories of church abuse cause righteous anger in me that cries for healing and for justice. I pray for church abuse victims everyday… but I really don’t know how to pray… 

There are so many things that God weeps over, victims turning away from Him and victims that are still being abused and violated by a church leader everyday. God weeps over church leaders who abuse their God-given authority and those who turn a blind eye instead of speaking up as they should. Often in prayer I am too overwhelmed to say anything.

This new appreciation for what is truly precious has given me a heart that feels God’s heart, that weeps when He weeps, that rejoices when He rejoices and longs for His Kingdom and His Glory on earth. My sensitivity is heightened to any violation of what is precious to Him, His word, His body and His heart.

The Word of God, the Holy Bible

God’s Word is the most precious thing I possess, I don’t go anywhere without my bible. I live in a country where it’s still okay to do that. The bible itself is a gift of grace that I will never take for granted. My love for God’s Word grows as I love God more, and my love for God grows as I know God’s Word deeper.

The Body of Christ, the Church

Unity is precious, we are called to love one another as Christ loved us. Friends are friends forever in Christ because we will spend eternity together. I can’t take any relationship lightly, with every word I speak I have an opportunity to encourage you, to point you to Christ or bring a smile to your heart. 

The Heart of God

The deeper I know God, the more I feel His heart. His tender heart is precious. God is the all powerful creator of heaven and earth, and at the same time God feels all our pain, because He Himself experienced it in a human body. My heart sings for joy when other image-bearers pray, worship, read the bible or serve God. By bringing a smile to God’s face, a smile is brought to mine.

A sensitive heart

In being violated at such a deep level of character, friendship and faith, I realised that God too can be violated by us. I realised that all the pain I felt is what God feels and so much more when He is violated. And I have violated Him.

Everytime my mind is filled with lust.

Everytime I speak a careless word.

Everytime I’m puffed up with pride.

Everytime I break my word.

Everytime my hands rush to do evil.

Everytime my eyes are fixed on idols.

Everytime I don’t stand in the gap for the poor and oppressed.

Everytime I rely on my own strength.

Everytime I refuse to love the LORD.

My list of sin, of rebellion, and of idolatry could go on forever. And I cannot comprehend how much my sin, rebellion and idolatry hurts God. But I’m starting to get an idea, because it hurts me too now.

In conclusion, what I now see as precious aligns with God. I have a sensitive heart and I don’t want that to change. It is something God has given me, and the first person it changes is always me. 

All of this comes through tears as my heart breaks over the way in which God is mistreated, abused and violated. I pray we can value what God values, what is precious to Him.